How to Turn Jealousy Into a Tool for Growth, Ep. 93

Have you ever felt that knot in your stomach when your partner laughs a little too hard with someone new? Or that tightness in your chest when they're excited about a fresh connection? Jealousy can be an unwelcome guest in our emotional landscape, especially in non-monogamous relationships. But what if I told you that this intense feeling isn't your enemy, but potentially one of your most powerful allies?

In this episode, I'm sharing a perspective that completely changed my approach to jealousy. We're looking deep into why jealousy feels so primal, what it's really trying to tell us, and how we can transform it from a source of pain into a tool for growth and deeper connection.

Key Insights:

• Understanding the evolutionary roots of jealousy and why it feels so intense
• Decoding the three core messages jealousy typically carries
• Practical strategies for working with jealousy instead of against it
• How to communicate about jealousy without creating conflict
• Transforming jealousy into an opportunity for personal growth and stronger relationships

Learn how to recognize jealousy as a signal from your nervous system, and discover a three-step process to turn that gut-wrenching feeling into a powerful tool for growth. We'll discuss the importance of curiosity, self-reflection, and open communication in navigating these intense emotions.

"Jealousy isn't about being irrational or dramatic. It shows up because it touches on things that matter to us really, really deeply. Our sense of love, connection, belonging, trust, and safety."

https://elleciapaine.com/call

Chapters

• 0:00 Transforming Jealousy Into a Growth Tool
• 13:49 Navigating Jealousy and Insecurities in Relationships
• 22:29 Navigating Jealousy With Collaboration
• 33:51 Transforming Jealousy for Personal Growth

Transcript

Ellecia: 0:00

You know that feeling. Your chest tightens, your heart starts racing. You can't shake the thoughts that are circling around in your head. Maybe you're at a party and your partner's laughing just a little bit too much with someone that you don't know, or you notice how excited they seem when they talk about a new connection that they've made. And suddenly, there it is jealousy showing up like an uninvited guest to your own personal party, your own personal emotional party. It feels terrible, right, jealousy has this way of making us feel really small and out of control and even a bit ashamed. But what if it doesn't have to be that way? Today, I want to share something with you that completely changed the way that I see jealousy. It's not your enemy. In fact, it's probably one of the most powerful guides that you have, if you're willing to listen to it. And by the end of this episode, I'm going to show you how to turn jealousy into a tool for growth that strengthens your relationships and really deepens your connection with yourself.

Ellecia: 1:06

Welcome back to Nope. We're Not Monogamous. I'm Ellecia, your non-monogamous relationship coach, and once again, I'm talking about jealousy. It's almost like it's the biggest topic we have to deal with in relationships, especially non-monogamous relationships. You know, jealousy gets a really bad reputation and it's often seen as something that you want to avoid or suppress or even feel guilty about experiencing. But really, jealousy isn't a bad thing on its own. Jealousy isn't evil or crazy or terrible. It's just misunderstood and it's not here to ruin your relationships. It's genuinely here to help you grow and have better relationships.

Ellecia: 1:50

So for this episode, you know, over the next 20 ish minutes I'm gonna try and keep it down. We're going to talk about how jealousy shows up, what it's really trying to tell you and how to work with it instead of against it. I'll throw in a couple of personal stories, as I usually do, so that you can see how these tools have made a difference in my own life and in the lives of my clients. Cool, all right, let's do this. Okay, let's start with something that we don't really talk about enough, and it's why jealousy feels so deeply intense and why it's so ingrained in us. Jealousy isn't about being irrational or dramatic. It shows up because it touches on things that matter to us really really deeply Our sense of love, connection, belonging, trust and safety. Okay, it's an emotional alarm bell saying, saying like pay attention, there's something important here. Look up, it's a response that's been hardwired into our nervous systems. It's literally designed to protect us.

Ellecia: 3:00

Think back to the days when humans lived in tribes and we were entirely dependent on our communities for survival. If you lost the support of your tribe, or if, like, if your key relationships or your connections were threatened, you risked being left to fend for yourself, you know. And so back then that meant, you know, wandering the desert alone or trying to trek your way through the jungle with no protection, no food, no shelter, you risked being left to fend for yourself. You had a really high chance of not making it. You had a really high chance of dying alone in the wilderness, being eaten by a lion, depending on where you're at, although that's always my example right. And so you fast forward to today, and those same instincts still kick in Our brains, are still trying to navigate the same dangers in our modern world.

Ellecia: 3:59

And so when jealousy comes up, it's your nervous system sounding an alarm. Hey, something feels threatening, and it feels like it's threatening your bond with someone that's important to you, and that's why jealousy feels so primal. That's why we go into this primal panic. It's not logical and it's not even just about emotions. It's genuinely your body's deep, ancient fear of losing connection and safety. And when it shows up, it's not trying to shame you. It's trying to give you a message hey, there's something important happening here. Let's figure it out, let's solve this problem. Let's get back to safety. Most of us don't know how to decode jealousy's message. Instead, we either push it down or we pretend it's not there, or we overreact, right, and we act on it in ways that can hurt us or hurt our relationships, like picking fights or spiraling into self-doubt.

Ellecia: 4:57

Let's talk about how this plays out in non-monogamy. In traditional monogamous relationships, there's this built-in assumption of exclusivity that oftentimes soothes this alarm system. Regardless of the quality of the relationship, your nervous system knows that this is a known factor. Everything is known, it's secure, it's safe, there's nothing threatening to it. Right, it's like saying you're the only one, so your place is secure. But in non-monogamy, we intentionally open the door to new connections, and that's beautiful. It allows for more love, more freedom, more growth, more sexy times. But it also means that these ancient alarm systems get triggered more often.

Ellecia: 5:44

Your brain might interpret a new partner or a connection as a potential threat, even when, logically, you know that it's not, and for a lot of us, we logically don't know that it's not because we haven't had enough experience of it being okay, right? So there's multiple things going on there and your nervous system hasn't gotten the memo that love can expand without taking anything away from you, that people can get naked and that doesn't mean you have disappeared from your partner's mind or heart, right? So instead of spiraling into like, why am I feeling this way? Am I not cut out for this? Am I wrong? Does this mean I'm monogamous?

Ellecia: 6:27

It's important to remember that your feelings are, like, really normal, really normal. Your body is just trying to protect you and jealousy is your nervous system doing its job. It's not a flaw. It doesn't mean something's wrong with you. The challenge and the opportunity in non-monogamy is learning how to work with this instinct rather than letting it take over. Okay, so I'm going to tell you how.

Ellecia: 6:51

So the first thing I want you to do is recognize that jealousy is ultimately about safety. When jealousy arises, ask yourself what feels unsafe to me in this moment. Maybe it's a fear of losing your partner's time, their attention, their love. But by naming it, you genuinely, you take the first step towards addressing it. You know what you're working with. You know what you're battling against, right?

Ellecia: 7:18

The second thing is reassure your nervous system. So your nervous system is like a fire alarm it doesn't care if there's a real fire or if you just burn the toast, it's going to go off. So your nervous system is like a fire alarm it doesn't care if there's a real fire or if you just burn the toast, it's going to go off. So you need to. You need to either hit the reset button or use a use some water to put out the fire, right? So, uh, this might look like some self-soothing practices, like breath work or masturbation. This might mean you're asking your partner for reassurance, like I need to hear that I'm still important to you, right? Or it might mean really working on some self-love and self-care, right?

Ellecia: 8:00

The third thing you need to do is focus on your connection and not on the threat. You know, instead of fixating on the new connection or the partner that triggered your jealousy, you want to redirect your attention to strengthening your bond with your existing partner, like spending quality time together, sharing your feelings, reminding each other of the unique connection that you have, because, I promise you, it is very unique. And then the fourth thing you got to communicate, and communicate with curiosity and openness, right. When we're expressing this emotion of jealousy, we want to approach it from a place of curiosity rather than blame. Approach it from a place of curiosity rather than blame. You know, for example, when I heard about your date, I noticed I started to feel insecure. No-transcript I'm jealous, I don't want you to go on that date. I don't want to feel this bad feeling, so just don't do anything that makes me have to deal with my internal shit. Okay, you know, we want to create a space where there's understanding and connection instead of defensiveness.

Ellecia: 9:21

One of the biggest misconceptions about non-monogamy is that jealousy means that you're wrong. You're doing it wrong, you don't fit in, you don't know how right, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Jealousy is a natural part of the human experience and it's how you respond to it that matters. It's the choices you make, the actions that you make, that matter. When you approach jealousy with compassion and curiosity, you start transforming it from this enemy to fight against into a teacher. It becomes a guide that shows you where you need healing. You need connection, you need reassurance, and the best part of that is these tools that you develop to navigate jealousy, like communication and self-soothing and vulnerability. They don't just help your relationships, they help you grow as a human being. They help you become a better person in all of your relationships at work, with your kids, with your family, with your friends. Guys, these are real life skills, not just non-monogamy skills.

Ellecia: 10:24

You know, I can remember early in my non-monogamy experiences when my partner started connecting with someone new and they were super excited about this person and I really wanted to be happy for them. I wanted to experience compersion, but I wasn't. Instead I was like panicking. I was like what if this person is better than me? What if they like this person more than me? What if I'm not enough? What if I'm? My jealousy pushes my partner? What if that person's not jealous, like all of these things, right?

Ellecia: 10:59

Um, it felt like I was back in some ancient survival mode. In the survival mode this, this ancient survival mode, this primal panic, my brain wasn't thinking, oh, how lovely for them. I'm so excited for them. It was screaming at me You're going to be replaced, you're losing your spot in the tribe, you're going to wander the desert and be eaten by a lion and I don't even know that lions are in deserts. I think they're actually in savannas, so my analogies get really fucked up there.

Ellecia: 11:34

But what really changed everything was I learned how to pause. I learned how to take a break, breathe and remind myself that my partner's connection with someone else didn't mean less love for me. It didn't mean less sex for me. It didn't even mean less time for me, and if it did, that was something we could talk about. Right, that's solvable. And I realized my jealousy wasn't about them. It was really about my need for reassurance and connection and, underneath that, some serious self love, because a lot of, a lot of what I was doing was outsourcing my love and relying on my partner so that I could feel worthy and valuable. No-transcript, we got closer and closer. So let's talk about what jealousy is really trying to tell you.

Ellecia: 13:04

In my experience and in the stories that I've heard from so many of my coaching clients, jealousy typically carries one of three core messages. It's like an emotional DM. Your jealousy is sending you a direct message on Instagram, signaling where something needs attention right, either in your relationship or in yourself. So I'm going to share those three with you. The first one is that you need reassurance. It's probably the most common Jealousy shows up for most of us when we're feeling uncertain about our relationship. It's your nervous system saying I don't know where I stand and I need to know that I'm secure and that I'm valued Like.

Ellecia: 13:49

Think about the last time that you felt jealous. Maybe your partner was excited about someone new and your mind took off and started running away with this whole story about how they're going to like this new person more than you. Or maybe they've been spending a lot of time away from home and you're wondering if your connection was still as strong as it used to be. Right. And in moments like these, jealousy isn't being needy or insecure. It's about wanting to feel loved and seen and prioritized, and that's a completely valid need. We all need that.

Ellecia: 14:27

So the first thing you want to do with this is acknowledge how you're feeling, without judgment. Remind yourself that it's totally okay to feel this way, that you're just looking for reassurance, and then next you want to think about what kind of reassurance you actually need. Is it words of affirmation? Do you like hearing your partner say that they value you? Or is it quality time together to reconnect? Right Like, what is it for you and and also what is it for your partner, because because both of the way that you connect, the way you get reassurance about your connection, can often mean that both that that's met for both of you Right, and then you want to communicate that need to your partner. You know, maybe it's I am feeling jealous and I'm realizing that I'm. I'm actually not getting enough time with you. I don't feel like our time is quality. We've been really busy and and so that's making me feel extra uneasy Can we plan a date night just for us?

Ellecia: 15:23

Reassurance doesn't mean that you're asking for permission to feel safe. It means that you're creating a space with where both you and your partner can show up with love and understanding, and I mean this for each and every relationship that you have. Okay, this is whether you're consensually non monogamous, a swinger, you're polyamorous, you know, whatever the relationship structure is where you're feeling those insecurities, where you're feeling that jealousy needs, it's showing you, it's a signpost that something is going on in that relationship that needs to be addressed, or in yourself and your relationship with yourself to be addressed, or in yourself and your relationship with yourself. So the second, the second big one that I see, which I just hit on a little bit is that feeling of disconnection. When we're out of sync with our partners, whether that's emotionally, physically, logistically you know you can't get your Google calendars to line up it's really easy for our nervous system to interpret that as a potential threat, like if your partner has been busy with work, a new hobby, friendships, other relationships and you start feeling like you're not as connected as you used to be.

Ellecia: 16:35

Jealousy can pop up here, and not because of anything specific that they've done, but because your bond feels stretched out. You're trying to feed it, but you don't really have any food. This can happen, you know, in, let's say, like polyamorous dynamics, when schedules are packed and you haven't had enough one on one time with a partner. It's not just about being jealous of someone else. It can be that you're missing that closeness, that sense of closeness, or that your love tank isn't full right. When my love tank is empty, insecurity and jealousy pop up much faster, much easier. And not just my love tank, like not just our connection, but also just personally, like if I haven't gotten enough sleep, if I am hungry, if I'm hangry, if I'm hormonal, like all of these things can happen, that it just feels like this much bigger, bigger thing that's happening. So you got to look at all of those. So the first thing you want to do is like figure out, where are you feeling this disconnection? Is it emotional, is it physical, is it something else? And then you want to take action and start working towards rebuilding that bond. And it might look like planning intentional quality time, maybe sharing something vulnerable to create intimacy, or maybe just sitting down and talking about how you've been feeling and remember.

Ellecia: 18:04

Disconnection happens in every single relationship. Relationships ebb and flow, they go through seasons and it's the repair process that matters the most. One of my clients shared a really good example. They noticed jealousy flaring up whenever their partner spent time on a new hobby that they shared with another partner and this was a long-term partner. They hadn't been feeling jealous over this other partner. So when we unpacked it, they realized that it wasn't about the hobby or the partner. They were just missing their usual Friday night movie, like Friday night movie dates that they had had in the past, and so when they started scheduling those dates again, the jealousy melted away because their bond felt connected again. It felt solid again.

Ellecia: 18:47

Okay, the third common one that I see and this is the big one and it's deeply personal. Sometimes, jealousy doesn't have much to do with your partner or their actions at all. Sometimes it's all about you. It's your fears, your insecurities and your doubts about whether you're enough, whether you're lovableurities, and your doubts about whether you're enough, whether you're lovable, whether you're valuable, whether you're worthy of this relationship. I mean, think about it. Have you ever felt jealous because you compared yourself to someone else? That's always been a big one for me. That's always been a big one for me. That's always been a big one for me. That's always been a big one for me. You know, maybe you thought like they're funnier than me, or they're more adventurous, or they're more attractive or just more Right this little voice in your head whispering what if I can't measure up?

Ellecia: 19:43

This isn't a failing on your part as a partner. This is about the stories that we tell ourselves about our worth, and the good news is you don't have to believe those stories and this is something that you can work on. That will change everything in your relationships, I promise so, the first thing you want to do. I'm just going to give you a couple of things, a couple of little things, to address that Start by challenging that narrative. Ask yourself is it true that I'm not enough, or is this my fear talking? A lot of times, our insecurities are a lot louder than reality, and if your insecurities are so loud that they're like, yeah, nope, that's true, I am definitely not enough, I'm a big piece of shit. Please start working with someone, start doing some self-love, healing work, because I promise you that you are valuable, you are worthy, I promise. It's just a matter of like getting yourself to believe it.

Ellecia: 20:41

Second thing is reframe your perspective. Instead of seeing other people as competition, see them as complementary. Right, and remember that your partner's love or attraction to someone else doesn't take away from their love or attraction to you, and know that your you are unique and your relationship is unique and other people literally can't replace that, that uniqueness. I know I've heard plenty of you and I've said it myself plenty of you say but I can be replaced, like I've been divorced. I know I can be replaced as a spouse, but I can't be replaced as Elysia, right, you can't be replaced as you, as the partner that you are, you are irreplaceable. So look at the things that are complementary and then the third thing is focus on your strengths. What makes you unique, what makes you irreplaceable in your partner's life. Write them down if you need to. It's a really, really good reminder when the doubt creeps in. And one of the most, one of the most beautiful things about non-monogamy is that it challenges us to trust in our inherent value. You don't have to be everything to your partner. You just need to be yourself. That's enough. I promise it really is.

Ellecia: 22:01

So let me ask you when was the last time jealousy showed up for you, and which of these messages do you think it was trying to send you? Did you need reassurance? Were you feeling disconnected, or was it a moment to reflect on your own worth? Once you decode jealousy's message, you can start addressing the real need behind it, and that's where change happens. That's where things transform. That's where alchemy happens.

Ellecia: 22:29

Here's the big takeaway on that Jealousy isn't an enemy. It's not here to tear you down. It's not here to wreck your relationships. It's here to guide you towards what you need, whether that's connection, communication, self-love. And when you stop seeing jealousy as something to fight, to hide, to put away in a box, and you start seeing it as something to learn from, something to pay attention to, you're going to unlock a new level of growth, and I don't know about you, but that's one of the biggest parts of this for me is personal growth becoming a better me, and in non-monogamy. That growth isn't just helpful, it's like essential, like you need it.

Ellecia: 23:08

Okay, now that we understand that jealousy is a signal, not an enemy, the question becomes how do we work with it? How do we turn that gut-wrenching, chest-tightening feeling into something that actually helps us? The key is curiosity. Instead of reacting to jealousy or trying to bury it, you got to pause and get curious about what it's really telling you. So here's a three-step process. I know I've given you lots of things today. Here's a three-step process to turn jealousy into a powerful tool for growth. And it's simple, but it's transformative when you put it into practice. One pause, remind yourself. This feeling isn't permanent. It's here to tell me something. By pausing, you give yourself the space to process what's happening before you respond. Two ask questions. Once you've paused and grounded yourself, it's time to get curious.

Ellecia: 24:11

Jealousy isn't always about what's happening in the moment. It's often tied to deeper fears, deeper stories that we're telling ourselves. So what triggered the feeling? What story am I telling myself right now, and is this story true? And then three look for the need. This is the most transformative step. It's the biggest change. This is figuring out what jealousy is really pointing to, because jealousy is never just about the surface level feeling. It's always about something deeper, an unmet need underneath.

Ellecia: 24:45

Okay, so ask yourself what do I need to feel more secure in this moment? What action or reassurance would help soothe this feeling? What do I need? What do I need to do? Okay, and maybe you need to check in with your partner to reconnect. Maybe you need clarity about their new connection or a reminder of your unique bond. Maybe it's an internal need and you need to practice more self-compassion or focus more on your own strengths or just go beat off a lot, I don't know. You tell me Okay.

Ellecia: 25:18

Now let's be real about the hardest part of jealousy. It isn't feeling it. Although that part sucks, it's sharing it with your partner. The thought of saying I feel jealous feels so freaking vulnerable. Maybe you're worried they'll misunderstand, they'll get defensive, they'll judge you, they'll get angry. But communicating jealousy doesn't have to lead to conflict. As a matter of fact, it shouldn't. As a matter of fact, if you handle it right, if you are being thoughtful and compassionate and have created a relationship with space, for that it can bring you a lot closer.

Ellecia: 26:01

It's really about how you approach the conversation, so here's how you do it. You got to own your feelings. First things first. Jealousy is your emotional experience. It's not something your partner is doing to you. Okay, maybe something your partner did triggered it, but this feeling, this like disgusting feeling where the floor is dropping out and you want to puke and like you can't think about anything else that's your emotional experience. They are not creating it. So when you frame it that way, it really shifts the tone of the conversation. Right, instead of saying like you're making me jealous, which sounds accusatory, it sounds like you're blaming them.

Ellecia: 26:43

Try something like I've been feeling really uneasy and I want to share why. Can you feel the difference? The first one puts your partner on the defensive. If somebody looked at me and was like what the fuck You're making me jealous, I would be like, well, kick rocks because I didn't do shit. Okay, there's probably a lot more context to that, but that's my first thought. Okay, and you know the second option like I'm feeling uneasy, I want to share with you why. And you know the second option like I'm feeling uneasy, I want to share with you. Why can we talk about this? That opens the door to collaboration, and owning your feelings doesn't mean it doesn't mean downplaying them. It means taking responsibility for how you're processing the situation and framing it as a conversation and not a confrontation.

Ellecia: 27:33

And then, once you've opened up this conversation, the next step is to focus on the need behind your jealousy. So don't forget that jealousy is pointing to something deeper. Maybe it's a need for reassurance, more quality time, clarity about boundaries or agreements. So when you express the need, it's important to frame it in a way that doesn't feel like a demand. Instead of saying you never spent enough time with me, try, I'm craving some one-on-one time with you so that we can reconnect. By focusing on what you need rather than what your partner's doing wrong, you make it easier for them to respond with empathy and support and care. They're not defensive. They can pay attention to what's happening for you. And then you want to. As a final step, you want to invite your partner into the process. Okay, jealousy doesn't have to be something that you solve alone. It's something that you can actually work through together.

Ellecia: 28:34

One of the main pillars of my Beyond Monogamy framework is collaboration, right, clarity, communication, connection, collaboration and confidence. Those are the things we need. And collaboration is a foundational concept because in non-monogamy, we're not just navigating one relationship. We're often balancing multiple connections, multiple dynamics, multiple needs, all sorts of different agreements on top of work and family and kids and pets and hobbies right Like it's a lot. And collaboration is what allows us to approach challenges like jealousy with a sense of teamwork rather than creating a bunch of tension.

Ellecia: 29:16

So when jealousy comes up, inviting your partner into the process is one of the most powerful things that you can do, and this means shifting the focus from how do I fix this to how can we work through this together. It's not just about one person feeling responsible for solving everything. It's about creating a solution that works for both of you, or all of you. You know collaboration might look like asking open-ended questions that invite a conversation, right Like how can we stay connected while we're navigating this? What can we do to make sure both of us feel supported? What does success look like for us in this dynamic? And when you're asking these kind of questions, you're showing your partner that their feelings and input matter as well, and it shows that you're invested in finding a solution that works for everyone in the relationship, and it isn't just an individual, the relationship and it isn't just an individual solving an individual problem.

Ellecia: 30:26

The magic of collaboration is that it turns moments of conflict or tension into opportunities for connection. When you're tackling jealousy as a team, it strengthens your bond. It helps you feel more secure in the relationship, and one of the things I'm always reminding my clients is that collaboration isn't this one time thing. It's an ongoing practice. It's you're building a culture or a container in your relationship where teamwork is the default response to challenges. Community is the default response to challenges, because human beings are community creatures. We need people. It's how we're built, it's how we're wired, it's how we survive, it's how we feel safe.

Ellecia: 31:07

So the next time you're feeling jealousy, instead of thinking what's wrong with me, why are they making me feel this way, ask how can we navigate this together, and don't push your needs aside so that your partner can have what they want and you just suffer in silence. That is not what I'm saying. That's that weird monogamous compromise that always leaves somebody losing. Okay, how can we navigate this together? And instead of assuming that your partner's not going to understand, invite them into a conversation. Be curious, build trust. When collaboration is a pillar of your relationship, even the toughest moments can bring you closer instead of pushing you apart. So remember sharing about your jealousy, sharing your emotions, is really vulnerable, but vulnerability is where real connection happens. It's where intimacy is created. And when you approach these conversations with openness and curiosity and a willingness to work together, you're going to build something a lot stronger than this like moment or day, or even week.

Ellecia: 32:15

But it's passing, this feeling of jealousy, and the best part is that every time you navigate these conversations successfully, you strengthen your emotional resilience, you strengthen the bond that you have with your partner, and it's a skill that gets easier and easier with practice. Every time you do it, it's one of the most powerful tools that you can develop in your non-monogamous relationships. Okay, so jealousy is not here to hurt you. It's here to help you. I promise it is, and when you learn to work with it, you get so much deeper self-awareness, stronger relationships, deep peace, god.

Ellecia: 32:55

I remember there was a while there, like a couple of years, where all I wanted was to feel peace and just not have to deal with feeling jealous anymore. And on the other side of that, what a relief you know, just imagine feeling secure even in moments of uncertainty, knowing that you have the tools to handle whatever is coming your way. And that's why I created Beyond Jealousy. That's a program I designed to help you find that peace, find that security, navigate all of the BS that keeps coming up right. This is where you learn to decode jealousy's messages, to communicate without conflict, to turn those really challenging moments into opportunities to connect. Plus, you get supported the whole time with a community of people who actually truly get it. They're not your monogamous friends who are like I don't understand what you're doing.

Ellecia: 33:51

If this hurts, why don't you stop doing it? This hurts, why don't you stop doing it? So frustrating, right? So if you're ready to stop feeling stuck, if you want to start shifting that jealousy into a tool and keep growing, you can click on the show notes or go to aliciapaincom. You can join us, get on the wait list. We're going to be starting next month. Thank you so much for listening and for choosing to show up for yourself today, and if you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review. Hit the little stars, the little thumbs up, whatever is showing up on the platform that you are getting this in, and make it so that other people can find us. See ya.