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Nope! We're Not Monogamous
Ellecia Paine is a non-monogamy relationship coach who helps people navigate ENM (Enthusiastic non-monogamy), polyamory, open relating, swinging, kink, tantra and life in general. Listen in to the candid conversations that give you a peek into the inner lives of other non-monogamous folks. Hear how they've overcome challenges like jealousy, insecurity, and social scrutiny. And celebrate with them as they share all the reasons it's worth it to have relationships that don't fit in the box.
Episodes
157 episodes
How to Talk About Jealousy Without Starting a Fight, EP. 157
Have you ever rehearsed a hard conversation in your head… and then the second you try to have it, everything comes out wrong?Maybe you shut down.Maybe you get defensive.Maybe you try so hard not to sound “too much” that you stop ...
How to Stop Spiraling When Jealousy Takes Over, Ep. 156
Have you ever noticed how jealousy can completely hijack your body?Your thoughts race. Your chest tightens, You start looking for signs something is wrong.And suddenly you’re spiraling before your logical brain can even catch up.<...
Jealousy, Boundaries, and the Things You’re Afraid to Ask For, EP. 155
Have you ever felt jealous… but underneath it was resentment?Maybe you said you were fine. Tried to be chill. Tried to be supportive. Tried not to be “too much.”But deep down, something didn’t feel good, and instead of naming it, ...
Why Jealousy Hits So Hard (And What It’s Really Trying to Protect) EP. 154
Jealousy can feel overwhelming, shame-filled, and honestly… kind of brutal.A delayed text, a shift in energy, hearing your partner mention someone else, and suddenly your body is spiraling before your brain can catch up.If you’ve ...
If It Feels Hard… You’re Not Doing It Wrong, EP. 153
Jealousy in non-monogamy doesn’t always look dramatic.Sometimes it’s not a big blow-up or obvious conflict. Sometimes it’s the slow build.A little comparison. A little overthinking. That subtle drop in your stomach when your partn...
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Dating Someone Who’s Already Partnered… and Still Feeling Alone, EP. 152
There’s a very specific kind of loneliness that can happen when you’re dating someone who’s already partnered.The connection can be real. The feelings can be real. And still… something feels off.If you’re navigating non-m...
Communication Triangles in Polyamory: The Subtle Dynamic That Creates Drama EP. 151
Have you ever found yourself holding feelings about a relationship… that technically isn’t even yours?Like your partner shares something about their other partner…and suddenly you f eel protective… or tense… or a little off around someon...
Showing Up Alone to a Swingers Event Changed Everything - Ep. 150 with Kate Heskett
What if the thing you thought made you “too much”… was actually the doorway to deeper connection, more honest relationships, and a whole lot more pleasure?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by writer and p...
Metamours, Friendship, and the Myth of Instant Kitchen Table Polyamory, EP. 149
What are metamour relationships supposed to look like in non-monogamy? Do you have to be instant best friends… or even chosen family… with your partner’s partner?In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine explores the...
NRE: Why New Relationship Energy Feels So Good (and Why You Should Slow Down) EP. 148
New Relationship Energy, or NRE, is one of the most talked-about dynamics in non-monogamy, and one of the most misunderstood.In this episode, relationship coach Ellecia Paine breaks down what NRE actually is, what’s happening in your bra...
Resentment Is a Boundary Problem (And It’s Not What You Think)
If you’ve been feeling resentful in your open relationship, this episode is for you.In Episode 147 of Nope, We’re Not Monogamous, I break down why resentment in non-monogamy is rarely about jealousy or bad communication.I...
Poly Agony: The Mistakes, Repair, and Reality of Raising Kids While Open with Candace Sogren
Non-monogamy isn’t just more love. It’s more feelings, more conversations, and sometimes… a lot more processing.In this episode, I’m sitting down with Candace Sogren, lawyer, former CEO, emotional intelligence facilitator, mom, and autho...
Needs vs Wants in Non-Monogamy: There’s No Prize for Needing Less EP.145
Struggling to tell the difference between needs vs wants in non-monogamy?If you’ve learned to be “low maintenance” and tolerate a lot, you might be minimizing your emotional needs without realizing it.In this episode, we explore h...
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The Real Glow-Up: Self-Love, Desire, and Ethical Non-Monogamy with Dr. Joy Berkheimer, EP. 144
Opening a relationship can feel empowering… and activating.A lot of people expect ethical non-monogamy or polyamory to feel freeing right away. Instead, it often brings up jealousy, comparison, attachment wounds, and questions about self...
Saying Yes to Non-Monogamy with Natalie Davis, EP. 143
What if non-monogamy wasn’t something you planned… but something you found your way into?In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I’m joined by Natalie Davis, editor of Polyamory Today and author o...
Jealousy Is Shame in Disguise (And That Changes Everything) Ep. 142
Jealousy isn’t a flaw. It’s not a failure.And it’s almost never about your partner.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, Ellecia unpacks a powerful realization sparked by reading Financial Feminist:...
When Honesty Isn’t Enough: The Missing Piece of Emotional Safety in Open Relationships, EP. 141
We talk a lot about honesty in open relationships and non-monogamy.Tell the truth. Name the jealousy. Share your feelings.But what happens when you open up and your partner tries to fix it, explain it away, or tells you you shouldn’t...
Before You Open: The 5 Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Ready Yet, EP. 140
Opening a relationship can feel exciting and urgent, especially once the idea of non-monogamy is on the table. A lot of couples hear advice like “date separately” and assume that’s the next step they’re supposed to take.In this episode o...
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How to Talk to a Partner Who Insists on OPP, Forced Triads, or “We Only Date Together” EP. 139
What do you do when your partner says they are open to non monogamy, but only under very specific rules?Only dating women.Only forming a triad.Only dating together as a couple.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not M...
Dating Separately: The Secret to Actually Surviving Polyamory as a Couple, EP. 138
Dating separately is one of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged topics in non-monogamy.For many couples, the idea of a partner dating someone without them involved brings up fear, jealousy, panic, and a deep sense of threat. S...
The Taboo Side of Non-Monogamy: Pleasure, Healing, and Desire with Sharon Marie Scott
What if the desires you’re most afraid to admit are actually the key to your freedom? What if the parts of you you’ve labeled as “too much,” “too weird,” or “too taboo” are the exact places your healing has been waiting for you to look?I...
The Relationship Skills That Actually Matter in Non-Monogamy with Dr. Dan Sneider Ep. 136
If you’ve ever wondered which relationship skills actually make non-monogamy easier, healthier, and less chaotic, this episode is your new favorite deep dive.Today I’m talking with couples therapist Dr. Dan Sneider, who works with both m...
You Can’t Logic Your Way Out of Jealousy (But You’ll Definitely Try) Ep. 135
Ever tried to think your way out of a feeling?You read the books, have the talks, highlight every chapter on jealousy and self-regulation… and your nervous system just shrugs and says, “That’s cute, I’m still panicking.”T...
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Rethinking “Success” in Polyamory with Jessica Morgenthaler Ep. 134
Ever been told that a relationship only “counts” if you stay in it forever?Yeah… hard pass.In this episode of Nope! We’re Not Monogamous, I sit down with therapist, coach, and relationship anarchist Jessica Morgenthale...
Pelvic Floors, Orgasms, and Why We Don’t Discriminate Against the Monogamous with Jana Danielson
What if the secret to better sex, stronger orgasms, and more confidence isn’t another relationship hack—but your pelvic floor?This week, I’m joined by Jana Danielson, sensual health and pelvic floor wellness expert, Pilates master...
